“Passion” is the self-help buzzword I like least. It’s become such a pervasive concept that, in certain worlds, if you’re not passionate well, then, it’s no wonder that you struggle.<\/p>\n
We’ve all heard “you’ve got to keep the passion alive” to refer to everything from marriages to music. Who the hell can do that? Who among us maintains a constant, laser-like focus on a single action or idea that, by virtue of clarity and strong feelings, will lead us to a sort of achievement nirvana? This is an ideal state; it’s practically a fantasy.<\/p>\n
That’s what I don’t like about this new-agey co-opting. “Passion” used to mean something serious until suburban gurus twisted its meaning.<\/p>\n
The word “passion” comes from the ancient Greek word meaning “suffering” or “enduring”. Think of “passion plays”, those distressing one-acts depicting the suffering of Jesus of Nazareth. They’re “passion” plays because, we’re told, Jesus loved us\u00a0so much<\/em> that he bore increasingly more horrific tortures on the way to an excruciating death. Along the way, he was mocked by his countrymen, disavowed by a friend, and sold off to indifferently brutal captors by the one he loved the most. \u00a0Worst of all, He knew<\/em>\u00a0all of this was going to happen and he went through with it anyway<\/em>.<\/p>\n Love hurts — literally. That’s one message of passion.<\/p>\n Naturally, “passion” shifted from its initial meaning and became synonymous with deep, unremitting, unencumbered love. And there it has remained until recently. Passion, right, should make you ache. It’s the love equivalent of moving your foot after it’s been asleep for a while — pleasurepain. It’s as much limerence as love. Make love to someone with\u00a0passion<\/em>\u00a0and you’re beyond mere sex or monkey fucking; you’re meeting mind and body and there’s not a bit of the other person that you don’t want. It’s enthusiastic, sweaty ardor and it’s insatiable. It blurs reality, but makes it impossible to care. How long has it been? Too long. Passion demands you make the object of your desire feel it, too, and magnify it until every single the over-the-top\u00a0euphemism for “orgasm” makes perfect sense.<\/p>\n Whew.<\/p>\n But what self-help has done is monetize “passion”. “Passion”, in this realm, is perverted so that the word means an obsessive focus on a goal or a dream — with a catch! There’s an inference that without this hyperfocus, dreams cannot be achieved and goals cannot be met. And I think that’s bunk.\u00a0But it’s a shrewd move, as it lets the guru off the hook when his\/her subscribers don’t get the results they’re promised.<\/p>\n But (and there’s always a “but”) if I’m being honest with myself, I do sort of understand what they’re getting at with this re-definition of “passion”. I used to be more passionate. I was really, really<\/em> “into” stuff; I loved having something inside and outside myself that captured and re-directed my focus and made me feel good. This is partly what the self-help people want their disciples to seek out — that focus outside oneself but about oneself. But (again with the “buts”) by\u00a0this definition, does passion have something to do with having a fantasy about something?<\/p>\n Fantasies serve their purpose, but fantasies ultimately encumber; it’s dreams that inspire. I think it’s an important distinction, and I believe the blurring of fantasy with dreams is at the core of why so many “self help” programs fail.<\/p>\n Fantasies are easy because fantasies are never quite rooted in reality.\u00a0They divert attention away from unpleasantness, which is an important function, but ultimately they’re nothing more than a distraction. They inherently lack maturity.<\/p>\n Dreams, however, have a sense of achievement. You dream about things that are possible or were possible. Suffering to reach a dream<\/em>, even if it never comes true, even if you don’t do much with it for a while, that<\/em> is more worthwhile than dipping into fantasy for an escape. That<\/em> should be what passion means once again: suffering — losing the “yourself” that no longer serves you — for a worthwhile goal. Unrequited love becomes requited when you cease fantasizing and idealizing and start dreaming about the possibilities of taking action. \u00a0A goal that seems out of reach becomes possible when placed into the mind’s eye of a dream. Dreaming is the first step, and passion takes you the rest of the way.<\/p>\n Passion works well within the context of a dream, but falters in a fantasy. Gurus gloss over this fact because fantasy is just so goddamned tempting and easy to sell. The sad fact is that we’re not all going to be champions and visionaries or even executives. That’s a bitter pill that’s made easier to take with a little sugar. A little fantasy. A little fake passion. That’s why we indulge in bullshit. Who can blame us except each other?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Passion” is the self-help buzzword I like least. It’s become such a pervasive concept that, in certain worlds, if you’re not passionate well, then, it’s no wonder that you struggle. We’ve all heard “you’ve got to keep the passion alive” to refer to everything from marriages to music. Who the hell can do that? 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