A short time ago, I posted a list of 106 "classic rock" songs that need to be banished to classic rock hell. Friends and bloggers are taking me to task for that list and so, in the interest of fair play and better radio (and as promised), my pal Kent and I will be building a better list to replace the tired and prosaic with the inscrutable and superior.
Let's jump right in with song #4 on the list: "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who. My pal Kent and I each decided on two very different Who songs to replace it.
Hot 106 #2: Mrs. Robinson
Moving right down the list of the 106 most tired-sounding, over-played, just plain OVER classic rock songs, we come to #2 – “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon & Garfunkel, the “softest” song you generally hear on these stations aside from, maybe, “Behind Blue Eyes”.
I’m having a tough time coming up with a substitution that tops Kent‘s. I believe he has chosen the superior song.
Kent: “Blessed”
Is this even rock? For the life of me, I don’t think so. Evan Dando thought so, and captured the spirit pretty well. Kik Tracee thought so, and did something so horrible to it that Trey Parker and Matt Stone couldn’t have parodied the style better (or worse, whichever is the right sentiment to have…).
It is impossible for me to kick (not Kik) Simon and Garfunkel off the list, though. My mom played these guys to me through her belly and into her womb while I was zero anythings old, for Christ’s sake.
The best compromise would be the brilliant and not-as-didactic-as-other-tunes-in-their-catalog “Blessed”. And if the masses need a cover of it, I nominate Pearl Jam, who would be perfect and is actually turning up on CLASSIC ROCK RADIO these days anyway…
Jen: “Cecilia”
Like Kent, I don’t feel comfortable knocking S&G off the list entirely, despite their non-“rockiness”. They are a major part of my childhood as well (thanks also to my mother), and they are the only concert I’ve ever been to that caused me to weep with joy. And “Blessed” is one of those jangly underplayed gems that makes me wonder why I listen to anything but The Byrds and Buffalo Springfield.
Yeah, these guys. Herp and Derp.
Simon and Garfunkel (and occasionally just Paul Simon) seem to be the bone that classic rock radio throws to the ladies of our mothers’ age — a bone that doesn’t offend the usual listeners — in order to keep that older female demographic on the station juuust long enough to hear some shitty advertisements. I suspect “Mrs. Robinson” gets the nod over all other S&G songs for its naughtiness and up-tempo-ness. (Sorry, the thesaurus is out of reach.)
There are many perfectly acceptable substitutes for “Mrs. Robinson” in the Simon & Garfunkel catalog, even for “classic rock radio”. “America” is familiar enough, yet seldom played, which is a good thing in my mind. But it’s a little too subdued and, more pressingly, there are too many people in Washington who want to co-opt songs with the word “America” in them in this election year. So let’s forgo that one.
“The Only Living Boy in New York” seems like the next most obvious choice, but I fear those waiting for hair metal songs to come on would be confused and upset by this track. Alls they know is it ain’t loud enough!
The most diplomatic choice, then, is “Cecilia”.
You never hear “Cecilia” anymore, and it’s such an immediately satisfying song. It’s also the closest thing to a pub song that Americans have ever produced and — don’t tell classic rock radio stations this lest they get any ideas — I never, ever get sick of hearing it.
Regarding S&G, what about Hazy Shade of Winter (not the Bangles version)?
Great choice; more rock-ish and definitely not played anymore.
And no, definitely not the Bangles version… though I’ve got to give them props for their take on “September Gurls”. It’s not terrible.